Binge
by taconio
Summary: Neru thinks she isn't exactly in tip top shape when it comes to mental health, and apparently, so does everybody else. [rewrite of Skinny]
1. Eyes

"Call me as soon as you get the chance," Miku whispers, straightening my shirt collar. Her fingers tremble. "Don't get into too much trouble okay? and don't forget to brush your teeth and try to-"  
>I interrupt her with a sigh. "Miku, it'll be fine." She gives me her wondrous "You're wrong but okay" look before closing her eyes. She opens them again to look at me, giving me a smile, and wishing me her best. I stare after her as she walks out. Fuck.<p>

As I stand there in my grubby hightops and muddy skinny jeans, backpack slung over my shoulder, I realize I am officially alone. And this couldn't possibly get any worse.

I'm wrong, i realize five minutes later as I toss my phone and lighter in a big yellow bin labeled "Hazards." There goes my only hope of salvation here. The other kids there stare at my bandaged hands as I toss my stuff.

The lady who took me here leads me off to the top floor, showing me a room and telling me I should unpack. I just throw my backpack on the floor and kick off my sneakers. There's two beds here, so I assume I have a roommate, which isn't entirely bad news.

"Hey," someone says behind me. "You're the newbie eh?"

I turn around, seeing a tall lanky girl standing in the doorway. Her green hair hangs just past her shoulders, freckles dusting her face and an eyepatch over her left eye. She gives me a wild grin.

"Guess we're roomies." She shakes her hair out of her face and cracks her knuckles, "Why don't ya come down to dinner."

I follow her down the endless twists and turns of the hallway, and down some flights of stairs, my eyes never leaving her back. I'm afraid to lose her in the distorted expanse of polar white walls.

"Alright, so tonight we've got meatloaf, mystery meat sandwiches, and fruitcups. Pick your poison." I give a small laugh as she spreads her arm like she's showing off a circus act. "May I suggest the fruitcups," she mumbles and tosses one to me.

The green-haired kid can't seem to stay in one place, as she's leading me to a table and running back off to get her own food within a minute or two. She has this odd bounce in her step that makes me vaguely envious, even as she sits down with a long breath.

I crack open the fruitcup and pick at the unnaturally sweet chunks of cherries and peaches with my fork. I feel greenie's eyes on me.

"My name's Gumi by the way," she says suddenly, as if reading my mind. "Are you not hungry?"

I nod and pick at the bandaid on my face. She stares at me.

"You should go back upstairs. Act like you ate."

I follow her advice, pushing out from the table and finding my way to the stairs. I can't remember what floor my room is on. Dammit.

I begin my climb up the mountain of concrete, block after block with only a wobbly metal rope to pull myself up with. There won't be anything at the top and I probably won't even make it there. My hands start to burn as I drag them across the wall, bandages rubbing against the blisters and probably popping one or two. It fucking hurts but I deserve it. I keep climbing.

I manage to get to the top floor despite my beliefs and I find it empty yet full of eyes. The walls open up with bloody lids and stare me down with disdain. I have to get away I have to get away I have to-

I've gotta set 'em on fire.

But I don't have my lighter, so I settle for clutching at my chest and hoping they'll go away.

Grayish black pupils all lock on my body like a magnet, dilating, rolling, I can't I can't.

"H-hey," the eyes snap to a silver-haired girl. Her whiteish gray hair is thrown over to one side, and there's a wave of black and blue ink cresting on the right side of her face. "Are you alr-right?"

The wall seals itself up and my own eyes focus on the girl as she speaks, her own eyes looking anywhere but at mine. "Fine," I speak slowly. "I'm fine."

"R-right." She grips the fabric of her sleeve for dear life. "Sorry."

I hear the moaning and groaning of the voice in my head, screaming "Where's your voice? Where's your mind?"

She disappears.


	2. Goal

Morning comes with the dawning realization that I'm not at home and Miku isn't the one shaking me awake. Gumi's pale eye is fixed on me. She covers the other with her hand.

"You're a damn heavy sleeper," she says, turning away and reaching over to grab the eyepatch next to her pillow. She snaps it over her face and turns back to me. "Breakfast time."

I drag myself out from the blankets, standing on uneasy legs. Gumi stares at me as I stretch my arms out uneasily, my eyes shifting restlessly.

"Forgot?" she asks.

I nod. Forgot I was here.

She takes me down to breakfast, glancing back at me every so often, silent. She stays like that until we reach the cafeteria.

There's a wide assortment of off-brand breakfast cereals and some dry oatmeal packets strewn about the front table, and a few slow moving patients milling around tiredly. I recognize most of them.

They had all stared at me me, stared with unblinking eyes as I was wheeled in on a stretcher. Even when I closed my own I could still feel theirs.

My hands curl into fists, weakly, it takes too much energy. Okay I'll do it today. I'll go right after I'm done maybe Gumi won't notice.

I stumble off without the green-haired girl, grabbing the biggest bowl I can and filling it to the brim with "Fruity Hoops." Gross. With almost too much milk I settle down at a table and begin devouring the thing.

"Someone's hungry," Gumi laughs. I can tell she watches me scarf it all down. I wish she'd stop watching me.

She idly chews on an energy bar as she sits there, watching, uncovered eye unblinking. Stop looking at me stop looking at me stop it stop it stop it.

I shove out from the table, getting up without a word and leaving. My legs move without my minds consent but I don't really mind. They take me back up to my room and I bolt over to the bathroom and slam the door.

Gumi followed me, great.

I don't care, I don't fucking care I just need to throw that cereal back up. I've got whatever shitty nutrients or whatever were in them now I gotta get rid of it before the calories set in. I hafta be skinny, I hafta be skinny.

"Neru?"

Skinny skinny skinny.

"You okay?"

I mumble to myself, in between breathing and shoving my fingers back into my mouth. "SKinny, I need to be skinny."

I open the door, my mouth tastes like shit, Gumi stares at me. At least I'm not any heavier right.

There's a sting in my nose, the kind that means I'm about to cry. I'm so fucking pathetic.

Before I know it I'm sobbing like a two year old and Gumi has her arms wrapped around me. She doesn't say anything.

* * *

><p>this one's late and shooort, my apologies, its hard to get in the right headspace to write this hah<p> 


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